(** I had Tim take these photos and when I saw the back of my hair I asked him why he didn’t tell me to fix it. His response: “I thought it was part of your ‘new mom’ look.” Sigh.)
It’s been three weeks and I’m slowly coming out of the fog that is surviving with a newborn. We’re lucky because Evelyn is a really good baby but it’s still exhausting. I’m trying to be present and soak in as much time with her as possible but I’m always tempted to use the time she’s sleeping to try to get housework done. It’s been so freeing disconnecting from emails and social media. Taking a quiet pause. The days go by slower, life is simpler. I won’t have this time again so I’m trying to make the most of it.
Evelyn likes to party from 8pm-2am. That’s been one of the hardest adjustments. Besides sleep deprivation our current struggle is breastfeeding. I’m actually over producing milk and have a forceful letdown which is choking her when she eats and she’s over-eating. She spits up almost every meal. “Spits up” is a gentler way to describe the breastmilk rocket launching out of her nose and mouth like the exorcist. It’s terrifying. And also devastating when you’ve been lying there with your nipples being torn to bits for a 45 minute feeding only to have your baby spit it all up. It’s so disheartening. After feeling total despair we took a pause yesterday and I pumped my breastmilk instead and we bottle fed her. It’s not ideal and it can mess up my milk supply but it’s the pause I needed to give my nipples and mental health a day off. After a lot of googling, I’m now nursing lying down which is slowing down the flow and seems to be working. She’s not spitting up and while she does have some gas after eating it’s not as bad as it’s been. I don’t know how women breastfeed for six months to a year. I’m three weeks in and already fighting myself on an hourly basis not to throw in the towel.
This week my goal is to attempt leaving the house. It feels so overwhelming. I know I just need to force myself but things feel so much easier and safer at home. Besides her doctor’s visits, I’ve left the house three times with her – once on a walk, once to the corner for a sweet treat and once for brunch. I had all these plans to take advantage of my “time off” and travel, take day trips. Right now, I’m thinking four months of staying at home (literally) seem perfectly fine to me. I know I need to get myself out of that mindset.
From the photos you’ve probably figured out I also wanted to give a postpartum body update. Mentally and physically I’m feeling pretty good. At week three I’m still in survival mode and not worried about my post-partum body. I gained 25-30lbs (fluctuated based on if I had a large lunch 😉 ) during this pregnancy. I haven’t weighed myself since having Evelyn. I’m sure at some point I’ll want to start toning up but for now i’m just enjoying being a new mom, rocking flowy tops and dresses and enjoying my last few weeks where it’s social acceptable to wear maternity bottoms – I’m really going to miss the joy of spandex waistlines. As I’ve mentioned, the only thing that’s been hard to get used to is the amount of stretch marks on my sides. Right now, they are still really noticeable but I’ve read they will start to fade.
I’ve been writing her birth story and am almost done so that should be up soon. Every time I try to blog she senses it and starts getting fussy. Most of this post was typed with one hand which was a painfully slow process. Hopefully I’ll master the mom one handed multi-task soon.
Now, back to bed.
Update: For all my soon-to-be first time mommas reading the blog, I’ve put all my must have mom & baby items on an Amazon page for easy access. I hope you find it helpful! https://www.amazon.com/shop/maria_pelletier