Oh I have a fun one today! If a year of TTC has shown me anything it’s how common it is for people to say some super insensitive things without even realizing it. It’s also made me more aware of situations where I might do this, or i’ve seen it done. Since it seems so common I wanted to do a quick post with a reminder on comments to refrain from, mmmkay? Here we go!
A Single Person – “Have you tried match.com?” “I was at X place last night and there were a lot of great looking men/women, you should check it out!” “You Need to Put Yourself Out There More.” “Seeing Anyone New?” “How Are Things In The Dating World?”
Definitely want to be sensitive to this with the holiday season approaching. Pretty sure my single friends are aware they are single, and don’t need the constant reminder. Also, they don’t need it pointed out to them that you are also aware they are single and concerned for their well being due to their “unfortunate-singleness” (especially during the holiday season – insert pity face here).
A Couple who are Dating – “So When Are You Guys Tying The Knot?”
“Oh, thanks for asking. The thought actually hasn’t occurred to me/us yet, we should definitely discuss it and let you know our answer to that very personal question ASAP.” Nope.
A couple is very aware why they aren’t engaged yet. Maybe one of them isn’t ready to commit (and the other one was ready a longggg time ago), or they don’t think their finances are in the right place, or you actually don’t think this person is THE one, or maybe you’re planning to propose, or maybe there are trust issues. Whatever it is, it’s not an appropriate question to ask in a room full of people while casually standing by the veggie and dip platter.
A Couple Who Is Married but Childless – “So when are you guys having a baby?”
I am VERY familiar with this one. Here are some of the reasons my friends are going through this right now – “We’re not ready,” “I’m ready but my partner is not and it is a huge point of tension in our relationship.” “We actually have been trying for a year with no success and are devastated, thanks for bringing it up.” “We’ve had several miscarriage but no successful pregnancies yet.” You see what I’m getting at? Don’t ask.
A Couple Who Has One Child – “So when are you going to give your little one a sibling?”
This seems like a harmless question but again, not appropriate to ask really ever but especially at a social event. Common reasons they may not have a second: “Our child is 4 months old you crazy person.” “We did try and we had a miscarriage.” “We can’t afford a second child at this time & we’re drowning in debt.” “We are focusing on the special needs of our first child.”
For all of you about to head to the battleground … er… your extended family’s house this holiday season please know that I am sending you the biggest virtual hug, don’t be afraid to let people know you aren’t comfortable answering those personal questions and feel free to send them this post 😉
May we all find comfort in our cozy sweaters and wine.